ATHLETE OF THE MONTH – MARCH 2014
Congratulations to Francis (aka Frank) Mahony on being selected as Reddog’s Athlete of the Month for March 2014. Well done!!!
Frank wins the award for winning the Australian M50-54 Age Group Championship in Devonport, Tas, winning the M50-54 Age Group at Victor Harbour, SA and 3rd place at Mooloolaba in the M50-54 Age Group. Well done!
A big thank you to No More Knots, Aqua Shop, All Hose and Valves and GMN Vegie Prepi for donating this month's prizes.
Frank kindly supplied a copy of his latest interview with Oprah rather than answering our silly questions.
Reddog Athlete of the Month: March 2014
The Reddog Athlete of the Month for March is Mr. Francis Mahony.
Another hard hitting interview for Opray Winfrey.
Oprah: Welcome to the show Francis.
FM: Call me Frank. My friends call me Frank
Oprah: Now, Francis, it must be a huge honour to be selected as Reddog Athlete of the Month.
FM: I don’t think I am deserving of it, I managed 4th in the Open section of the Samford Kids Tri, and there was only 4 entrants.
Then I got beaten by Darren Carnell on the run leg at Mooloolaba. Ran straight over the top of me he did!
Oprah: There is no shame in being beaten by Darren Carnell; he is an Age Group World Champion.
FM: Of course I know he is an Age Group World Champion, he reminds me of this every morning when we catch up for a Café Latte.
Oprah: Maybe there were some other race results that got you the athlete of the month?
FM: I got 3rd place in my age group at Mooloolaba, just ahead of a nobody called Steve Lindores.
Oprah: Who is Steve Lindores when he is at home?
FM: He is also Steve Lindores when he is at home, although his wife calls him honeypot and snuggle pie.
She also does this in public, poor guy.
Oprah: Is he a Reddog member? Trent doesn’t want any outsiders mentioned.
FM: Yes, he is a Reddog member.
Oprah: I heard there were some other races as well.
FM: There was a 10,000 metre track race, but usually they don’t count. Real triathletes don’t do track races.
Oprah: Is that the race where you got lapped by a real triathlete, a female one at that. You got “chicked”!
FM: Damn, you have done your research. Moving right along then. I got 1st in my age group at a minor race in Devonport.
None of the big guns like Ian Fabian turned up, in fact no one turned up but me.
Oprah: I understand that was a bit more than a minor race, it included an Australian Age Group Champion title.
FM: Yes it did, but, gee, Australian Titles are not that hard to come by, even Andrew Fuller has managed to win one.
Oprah: You actually know Andrew Fuller? You do hang out with the shakers and movers!
FM: Actually, I wouldn’t say I know him, but I have seen him around the traps.
Oprah: So you are just name dropping. Firstly mentioning Darren Carnell, then Ian Fabian, now Andrew Fuller.
Any other big names you’d like to mention?
FM: Peter Foster.
Oprah: Be serious, Peter Foster would have nothing to do with someone like you.
You are on prime time TV and have a look at yourself, wearing pink hot pants and no top.
Who dressed you tonight, Clare Geraghty?
FM: Actually I borrowed the outfit from Marto, alias Mark Martin, and the pink bow tie came from one of the
Nundah crew I hang out with, whose name I can’t mention.
Oprah: How do you know Peter Foster?
FM: Well, he got busted drafting off me in the last State Olympic Distance Championships.
Oprah: Now we know you are making stuff up. You are trying to tell me you can ride as fast as Peter Foster?
Have you got your facts straight?
FM: I tell you, not a word of a lie, there was drafting going on and a yellow card was shown.
Oprah: And, with not a word of a lie, can you advise who was shown the yellow card?
FM: Um, well, ah, okay, sorry, just a minor adjustment to my story, yes, okay, I got shown the yellow card!
Oprah: What advice would you give to other athletes who would like to be Reddog Athlete of the Month?
FM: Don’t do it. The fame is overwhelming. Got media camped outside my house and my quiet life is ruined.
Oprah: How much training do you do at the moment?
FM: I don’t do training. As Gordon Gecko said, “Training is for wimps”. I just race.
Oprah: Tell us about your life outside of triathlons?
FM: In the daytime, I write romance novels. And in the evening, I moonlight as the lead singer of a punk band
called “Rock Gods Wear Flowers”
Oprah: That’s a pretty heavy name for a punk band. Wouldn’t that scare off the grannies from your show?
FM: That’s a bit harsh Oprah. We have some young people turn up, some even under 50 years old.
Oprah: Is it true that Darren Carnell wanted you to write a romance novel with him playing a major part in it?
Did he want to be the hero?
FM: It is true, although he wanted the role of the heroin.
Oprah: I think you mean heroine?
FM: No, I meant heroin. He had some fantasy about being laid out on a kitchen table and snorted by a pretty young blonde.
Oprah: This is a family show Francis, best we move along. Now I hear you have been married a few times.
FM: Yes, 3 times.
Oprah: My research indicates it was actually 5 times and the first 2 times had quite a twist to them.
FM: Damn your research. Okay, the first one was I went to Thailand when I was young and naïve, and I fell in love with a lovely young lady.
Oprah: I heard the honeymoon didn’t go to plan.
FM: Yes, I discovered she was one of those ladybugs.
Oprah: I think you mean ladyboy.
FM: Whatever. Wasn’t quite the lady I expected.
Oprah: So what did you do?
FM: I found a priest and had the marriage anointed!
Oprah: I think you are supposed to get them annulled.
FM: Damn, so that’s why I am suffering from bigamy.
Oprah: And the 2nd marriage?
FM: Las Vegas involving an Elvis impersonator in drag!
Oprah: Are you telling us you got married by an Elvis Drag Queen?
FM: It’s worse than that, they were in the wedding party.
Oprah: You married an Elvis Drag Queen?
FM: No, don’t be silly. It was me. I was the Elvis Drag Queen when I got married. It was a phase I was going through.
Oprah: And how long did this phase last?
FM: It is still going. I get quite a call for my cabaret act, although I had to decline a request from a bloke calling himself
Warby who wanted a surprise for his wife. He is from out Samsonvale way. They are quite weird out there.
Oprah: Returning to triathlons, who would you want to swim like?
FM: Darren Carnell
Oprah: Can’t you give a serious answer for a change. Okay, who is your cycling hero?
FM: Lance Armstrong
Oprah: He is a drug cheat!
FM: Nothing wrong with the occasional “Pick Me Up”.
Oprah: What are your goals?
FM: I dream one day of running past Mr Fuller in an Aussie Green and Gold outfit.
And for one of my romance novels to hit the best sellers list.
Oprah: You could be waiting a while on both of those. Thanks for your time tonight Francis.
And one last thing, can you please put a shirt on to cover up your chest. You are making my audience go weak at the knees.